


a clitoris on his knees, some pubic hair on his chest

by larryhaylik



Series: From Nagoya to Sendai [2]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Crack, Domestic, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, M/M, just a bit of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-16
Updated: 2020-03-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:47:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23170450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/larryhaylik/pseuds/larryhaylik
Summary: Shoma brings home an unexpected purchase and Yuzuru is facepalming a lot - internally, of course, because he loves his boyfriend, okay?(Can be read separately.)
Relationships: Yuzuru Hanyu/Shoma Uno
Series: From Nagoya to Sendai [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1665580
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	a clitoris on his knees, some pubic hair on his chest

"What _is_ that? More importantly, _why_ is that?"

Yuzuru stared, stricken, at the atrocity lying on their couch. It wasn't the idea of it, nor the individual parts - there was nothing wrong with knitting, shades of pink and red or vaginas. Just when you combined them into a vagina-shaped plaid knitted out of various types of rosy threads... well, it wasn't something he had expected to see when he was unlocking the front door five minutes ago. And it clashed with everything else in the apartment, not to mention just how far it was from anything he or Shoma would usually willingly buy. 

Yuzuru couldn't tear his eyes away.

"You know how I said I was going to the Vagina Monologues because my friend Maiko was performing in it?" Shoma asked tentatively.

"Yes."

"Well, they had an auction of artwork. Proceeds go to women's shelters. It's a good cause."

"That's wonderful and all," Yuzuru said, finally looking Shoma in the face. It was delightfully pink. "But why didn't you get, I don't know, a picture? I'm sure there were pictures. Or a t-shirt. A tote bag. Why this- _this_?"

"Ugh... well, you see... Maiko..."

It clicked.

"She made it, didn't she. And you just couldn't say no."

"How was I supposed to?!" Shoma burst out like steam from under a pot lid. "She was next to me, listing all the bad things that keep happening and how much every yen helps, and that everyone put so much effort into everything, and there was a bidding list and I didn't think I would actually end up getting it, I thought someone would top my offer later!"

It all spilled out like a waterfall and it cost Yuzuru a lot of willpower to keep a straight face as he watched Shoma try to catch his breath. 

"How much did you put down?"

Shoma froze, then ran his fingers through his hair.

"About ten thousand," he mumbled.

Yuzuru stared and let him squirm under the scrutiny with no regrets. "Ten thousand. And you thought someone would top that?"

"I panicked, okay!" Shoma took a deep breath. "I didn't want it to look like I was cheap-assing my way out."

Yuzuru giggled. His boyfriend was hopeless. He loved him, but sometimes, he was hopeless.

"Okay," Yuzuru said, the smile audible in his voice, and walked over to Shoma to pull him in by the waist and kiss the frown on his forehead. "The most important question, though: what are we going to do with it?"

"I'm not throwing out ten thousand yen and a potential friendship breaker. What if Maiko comes visiting?"

"Well, we can't really leave it out here for everyone to see, can we? I have a reputation for style and attention to detail that I'd like to maintain."

"It's not _that_ bad." Shoma rested his forehead on Yuzuru's shoulder. "We can just put it in the bedroom?"

Yuzuru scoffed. "Say goodbye to sex then. I couldn't do it with this thing staring at me from the foot of the bed."

"Then let's just keep it here? It's kinda warm and pretty soft and you always end up shivering when we watch TV anyway."

Yuzuru was about to protest to both the shivering and the proposal, but then he imagined himself sitting on their sofa, a clitoris on his knees and some pubic hair on his chest, and admitted, even if just to himself, that it was actually a pretty hilarious idea.

**Author's Note:**

> The Vagina Monologues are [a real show that took place in Osaka last month](https://www.facebook.com/vdayosaka/) \- and there was, indeed, a knitted vagina up for auction.
> 
> [tumblr](http://www.larryhaylik.tumblr.com/)


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